Richard Lawson: Recap King
“In the end it really wasn’t a question of who made the best food for Bobo Beau-coup’s Mirrorplate All-Stars, it was about who deserved, cumulatively from the whole season, to go to Fashion Week. And clearly the Lady, the Brothers, and Uncle Pigslappy the Bacon Jalappy had long-ago earned their tickets.” Top Chef: Leaving Las Vegas
“The Brothers Grim were making their usual flare-filled dishes while old Uncle Applewood was just baconing around in his beard, slapping stuff on a plate and singing “Pile’a food, pile’a food, doggone Kevin’s makin’ a pile’a food.” And he really was. It was just some old backwoods barbecued hoedown kale that he smoked and drizzled some beard-hair on and it was apparently delicious in the way that things that are actually made by animate, walking and talking slabs of bacon tend to be delicious.” Top Chef: Natalie Portman Won’t Eat Your Meat
“Then…. hurrrrrrdyyyy gurrddyyyyyyy (I make old-timey sounds when I vomit), Vanessa and Dan kissed and the seas raged and the wind swept and earth trembled beneath our feet.” Gossip Girl
“Chuck has secrets, Serena has secrets, Blair has secrets, and Rufus has a wig. Yeah, Rufus and Lily were still jibber-jabberin’ on about something. I think their issue was this: Lily really wanted to go to Chuck’s big club opening, because she really likes hanging out at events with teenagers. Just really, really likes it…. Especially if the event is being organized by an 18-year-old boy who dresses like an alligator in a cartoon about jazz.” Gossip Girl
“The girl, who was having the party? Her name is Rags McTattershanty, and she lives under a bridge eating bugs and canned lima beans. Rags goes to a public school called Professor Shitbox’s Idiot Academy for Nobodies, where all the trashcans are on fire and hobos teach you Hobo Arithmetic and in gym class you learn how to jump boxcars. “ Gossip Girl
